I'm Scared As Hell

My oldest sister just got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It's spread to her liver and lymph nodes. She starts an aggressive treatment next week. She's determined to beat it. Of course she is. That's how she is about everything that tries to get in her way.

I feel like my brain is paralyzed. I feel bad for being scared that she won't beat it. I guess it's good that we live 1700 miles apart because she sure doesn't need me bringing her down. She's the oldest, I'm the youngest of five and she was a big part in helping raise me. Everything I do now reminds me of her.

I want to curl up in a corner and make this not be real.