Mourning DeeJay

[uhsir]

I didn't know.  I mean, I knew deejay435 was fighting cancer, but I didn't know she'd lost. 

I didn't know her personally.  I mostly only knew her through Gateworld in the Sam/Jack thread.  If you can consider that as "knowing" someone. 

I was digging back into my flist's LJ postings. It was late into the night Friday. I was trying to see what you all have been up to while I've been pretty much offline these past months.  Sucked up by my own real life.  Oblivious to the real lives of my flist.

That's when I found out.  I can't even remember how I got to it, but there it was. Dream number 60, posted June 21st, 2008 02:01 pm (local), "Deejay went home to be with Jesus this morning at 4:55 a.m."  

I don't know how long I'd been sitting there crying before my son walked by and asked me what was wrong.  I told him.  He understood.  He's 18, a big lug with a soft heart, my baby.  We hugged for a long time. 

I had to move on.  Lots to do this weekend.  Several times though, I broke down into tears.  Nobody was around though, so I was safe.

Something this weekend, and I'll be darned if I can remember if it was someone talking or an email or a snail mail, and I can barely remember it, maybe I dreamed it, but all I know now is that I have to tell you, "you" meaning if you are reading this, I have to tell you that you are a special person in my life.  You touch me.  You effect me.  You change me.  You have meaning. 

Comments

[uhsir.livejournal.com]

*HugsU* I think I better pass on the video. Not sure I could handle it. Wow, Amanda called her too. Wow.